Utter Chaos

From one minute to the last
Excerpts haunt me from the past
There’s no focus I can’t control it
Like a mind control short circuit
Gotta get out of this place
Where abuse is what I’ve learned
Is as common as the list
Of the kinda behaviours burned
Into my psyche
Burned by that fuck I believed
My entire damn life
That I could never get over
Like a thief in the night
Just wasted my life
Wanting just what we had
In a time when I felt
You were all I could have
That would never leave me
Well shame on yourself, girl.
Looking back its so telling
In those black and white dreams
Dark and painful chasing puppy
Screaming please 
don’t take her from me
Never finding her
To this second
With tears in my eyes, I miss my baby
So bad I wish I died with her
The shame I feel for letting her down.
Chasing my girl with a terrifying end
The darkest of monochrome skies
The whirling disaster
coming straight through
Ripping up lives
The mark of a narcissist 
Stay away from his lies
Intuition so fab
Yet I yearned for this thing we had.
This chemistry so electric 
Anyone that stepped anywhere near us 
The tension between us
That was unabashed 
Chased me home
Storming into my life
Those moments to me
Were the best
Over and done now
Sobbing to myself
Terrified and abandoned
Sick of myself self hatred and
An EF5 Tornado named ___________.